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Parliamentarian: “Thank you for coming to this hearing, Mr. President.  I will briefly state the issues on the docket and give you an opportunity to make comments and then cast your vote.  Would you like to vote as we proceed, or wait until we have finished to cast your vote?”

President Obama: “I want to be very forthcoming, so let me be clear that I intend to let the process complete itself before I cast my vote for all of the underprivileged – and the bullied – in America!”

Parliamentarian: “Issue #1 is Egypt.  Protests there have begun again.  Do you vote in favor of aiding the protesters with training in democracy, or against that?  Issue #2 concerns Lybia.  Seeing that Quadaffi is slaughtering perhaps thousands of Libyan citizens with his war machine, do you vote in favor of immediately establishing a no-fly zone, of providing undercover aid, and of providing the protesters with armaments, or do you vote against the proposal? Issue #3 takes up the topic of terrorism.  Do you vote in favor of actually identifying the terror threat through Congressional Hearings, through educating the public with truthful speech which accurately states the terrorist threat, and motivating them to support our efforts in a like manner, or do you vote against that?”

President Obama: “Let me interject at this point that I have known Muslims personally – I am – uh – was one once myself.  I want to be perfectly clear about that.”

Parliamentarian: “Yes, Mr. President!  Continuing – issue #4 takes up the subject of energy policy.  With the looming threat of a major oil delivery disruption in the Middle East because of the present instability there, are you in favor of lifting the deep water drilling moratorium, of opening up Anwar and other American mainland oil sources, of re-starting our nuclear energy program, and of doing these things quickly in the national interest, or are you against these things?  Issue #5 on the docket today addresses our national budget, both for the fiscal year we are now in and the next one.  We note that the budget you have submitted increases spending levels.  In recognition of the 2010 election cycle, the changed political climate, and even the move within your own Democrat Party to embrace spending reductions, are you in favor of significant cuts, or are you against them?  Issue #6 is a related topic and it is the deficit.  In light of overwhelming recognition among financial experts that the deficit has us speeding toward fiscal insolvency, are you in favor of a long-term comprehensive plan to deal with it, such as that which the commission you appointed has proposed, or do you vote against it?  Finally, issue #7 concerns death threats Republican lawmakers in Wisconsin have received over the union controversy there.  Since these elected officials have been threatened in writing, are you in favor of throwing the full weight of U.S. law against those who have threatened them, or are you against that?”

President Obama: “I have filled out my ballot and the clerk is carrying it to you now.  Before I leave, let me say two things.  First, it is absolutely necessary in light of NPR’s added expense of searching for two new corporate executives that they receive an increase in funding of 20%.  Secondly, I want to be very clear that all children who have been bullied at school have a friend in me – those in all 57 states.  This is a matter of national security, and I will not let them down.  Thank you and good day.”

Parliamentarian: “I have received the president’s ballot and let the record show that his vote on all seven questions is the same.  He has marked his ballot ‘Present’!”